Beyond... Head over Heels - A Valentine's Special.13:03:00
By Nneha Lonari: A life coach, counsellor and healer.
Being in love is one of the most beautiful feelings. With Valentine’s Day round the corner most couples get geared up to do something special for their loved ones. Buying gifts, candle light dinner, long drive, weekend holiday plan many other amazing things mark this day. Diamond jewellery adds on to the charm of diamonds on Valentine day; the best way to propose your partner. For most couples its way of expressing their love. Valentine’s Day is one of the most special days for many couples and they desire to live that day for all their life. Many wonder how they could keep the magic alive in their relationship. Is there any secret formula for it? I guess every couple adopts trial and error method. When I thought from a perspective of suggesting effective dating tips to you I backed out as there already a lot of literature on it. Hence I thought to pen down some of my insights which I drew from relationship that helped me sail through happily.
1. Being you in the relationship
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What if the greatest gift to your relationship were you? Many of us after entering a relationship divorce parts of us in order to care for our partner. For example: If you like to go for swimming every morning but instead of swimming you spend time with your partner to show him or her that how much you really care. For many of us the equation is if ‘I love my partner enough, everything would turn out fine’. Well, that’s not how it works. True love is a great idea but blind love is an absolute disaster. There is a thin line between the two. Caring and nurturing for our loved ones strengthens the bond at same time honouring yourself is very essential. Stay connected with your true inner being, list down things you like to do and make time indulge into. Pamper your body to the fullest as you exert it while multi-tasking. Stop beating yourself up for the things that weren't in your control. Don’t wait for your loved one to appreciate you and validate you, as their opinion does matter but you can still choose to be happy without it. Indulge in self appreciation. Love yourself immensely more than anyone else and prioritise yourself for your relationship well-being. Live every small desire of yours right from going alone on for a long drive to sky diving. Bring back your childhood craziness and revive the notorious self within. Being yourself without zero inhibitions will actually make your partner fall for you head over heels.
2. Step out of romantic fantasies:
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Most of us have grown up watching bollywood romantic movies which has subconsciously left an impression on our mind. Though we all know romantic fantasies are not logical still most of us are yearning for the fairytale prince to sweep us off our feet. A picture of perfect date, perfect wedding, first kiss, life partner colour our mind. There is nothing wrong about having fantasies but staying vested in it limits our imagination. Stepping out of the fantasies will give you an opportunity to find connection with someone who may not fit in your criteria of fantasy but you would still feel extremely comfortable and right about it. It can also create different magical reality for you and open up more gratifying ways to love. Just be present and stay in question as it will help you to witness gentle unfolding of surprises that life has to offer.
3. My soul mate knows what I am thinking:
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Desiring for a profound connection is acceptable however mind reading is too unrealistic a demand which many couples have in their relationship. Even if you have spent 20 years in the relationship it’s difficult to identify other’s person’s thoughts. The strongest relationship shares one thing in common: ‘open communication’. It’s very important to express your needs and feeling time to time instead of living under the impression that your partner will understand. Words bring clarity and don’t leave any room for misunderstanding. Even if it’s a trivial thing you must express how you feel about it and what you need at that moment. Expressing your core need will help establish a connection. For example: Instead of “you just don’t have time for me” a compassionate way of expressing would be “I am missing you and would like to spend some time with you.” Opening the channels of communication will help you in understanding your partner and vice and versa.
4. It's our ‘WE’ time:
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As couple if you have any common interest then spare time and indulge into it. If you don’t have any common interests then cultivate some or do some basic chores together such walk the dog, watch movies, coffee date, long conversations, spa dates. In this fast paced metro life; ‘Time’ is something that we cheat on the most. We grapple around our daily routine fulfilling our commitments towards our parents, relatives, friends and we miss out on spending quality time with our beloved. More than shared interest shared values will build the compatibility in your relationship. Take time out from your busy schedule and make a commitment to each other of spending a particular time together such as ‘A dinner date every Saturday or gardening every Sunday.’ Being in each other’s company will strengthen your bond, develop more intimacy and open avenues to understand each other better. Respect your partner for having his/her interest and give him the space to his things and rejoice every moment of your ‘we time’.
Just like dazzling diamonds let the spark be alive in your relationship forever. Wishing you a very Happy Valentine’s Day
About the author:
Nneha Lonari is a certified life skills coach, therapeutic counselor and body healer. She specializes in compassionate communication and conducts workshops across the country. She believes that the simple way to build healthy relationships is by seeing the beauty behind every need and move beyond right and wrong. She offers personal consultation on relationship enhancement. She is also a certified Access Consciousness Facilitator and offers body healing sessions. According to her by establishing relationship with one’s body can bring in desired changes with ease. She offers body healing sessions for beauty concerns, weight management and health concerns. If you would like to participate in a session on managing relationships click here.